""Lo and behold", thy Goldfish said to the man, "Why 'tis I reside in this glass chamber, you heathen?"
And the man doth speaketh, "It is thine fishbowl; you will die if you are not in it."
And the Goldfish doth reply, "Oh.""
rofl...idek.
Okay so do you ever sit down and hold your feet straight out in front of you and let them fall very slowly? It creates the illusion that there's nothing below you, for some reason, it makes me happy. It's like this surreal moment and then my feet touch the ground and i come back to reality. All i can think is that it was nice while it lasted.
Okay so before i go any further, Im a dweeb; a nerd...i know. Im obssesed with yahoo answers I reached level 2 today so i can answer 40 questions a day now. Anyway, i specifically go into the Religion and Spirituality, Philosophy, and Psychology sections and just discuss those types of things. It's quite ironic(in the general sense), as for the philosophy...im a nihilist which techinically is the end of all philosophies because we believe that life has no premise; our existence has no meaning, we just exist. Philosophy asks questions about life such as the oh-so-cliche "Whats the meaning of life" I guess it depends on what type of nihilist you are and what kind of questions theyre asking.
Why am I in the R&S section? No idea, Nihilism implies atheism the weird thing is that in R&S i find that there are more atheists than theists. And the theists typically end up having a question for us somewhere along the lines of "Atheists: Youre Godless, why do you exist, you have no reason to live!" Okay I swear, Ive never met a theist who didnt say that to me or something similar. People dont seem to realize that Atheists(and nihilists especially) appreciate life more than theists because we arent waiting for some false afterlife we live with the mentality "Wow, I've got one life to live, I'm gonna take advantage of it" while i find a theist saying "Im gonna follow my religion and wait for an afterlife." NO youre going about it all wrong, of course they dont believe that's not their view point.
Another question i see is "Atheists: Why do you hate God?" Or "Atheists: Why do you worship Satan?". We cant hate God or worship Satan because we dont BELIEVE in them; the "A" in "atheist" Means "non", not "hate"and we are not Satanists, we reject the idea of Satan just as much as we reject the idea of God.
Another thing i find annoying is the use of "all" and "atheists" in the same sentence. Some theists assume that we ALL have the same beliefs/morals. NO NO NO NO! The only common ground that ALL atheists have is the disbelief of God and Satan because atheism IS NOT a religion, its a philosophy, a religion is the practice of your beliefs. I am a nihilst(a branch of existentialism), some atheists believe in different dogmas/doctrines of philosopy such as aminism, determinism, absurdism, idealism, realism, fatalism, dualism, solipsism, etc.
Anyway
Sometimes I wonder, hypothetically, if there was a heaven and hell, would hell be the same for each person? What i mean is that...okay here's an example: My idea of hell is being in a room full of people that i dont know because i have mild social anxiety but that'd be like heaven for an attention whore. Same goes for heaven.
I havent been outside my house for 4 days and im okay with that...that's horrible...I think? Society has branded the thought "You have to be social to be happy" in my head. I have to realize that if I'm happy...I'm happy and it doesnt matter what anyone else says. Another part of me says its my social anxiety causes my asocialness and therefore I think "I'd rather stay in the house." when it really means "I get too nervous when I got to meet people...Id be much happier alone." meaning I would LIKE to go out but I get to nervous so id much rather not deal with that feeling.
Wtf I just mind-fucked myself.
I need change...ever since the depression has gone away I feel kind of empty. Im not sad...im happyish but It feels like there's this big emptiness in my heart, apathy in a way. At the same time, there feels like something is there that hasnt been acknowledged--that needs to be acknowledged; something deep. Ive always wondered that because I still dont know WHY I was depressed in the first place which is really frustrating. Maybe it's something like disassociation.
Sad, last time I was truly happy was when I went to a concert. There's so much love for people you dont even know. Some giant dude pushes you over, instantly you feel 20 hands pulling you up. If someone happens to have a bottle of water, they take what they need and pass it to the next person. People actually give a shit, and they barely know you. It's almost like a simulated world of peace for those 3-12 hours. On top of the really loud music, that makes you wanna go crazy!...of course there are the ocasional assholes but for every asshole, there are 10 people willing to back you up. Gahhh I miss those things.
Number 3 pencils are my one and only vice :D
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
You know what i really enjoy?
Feeding birds. I throw little pieces of food outside of the window around 10a.m. and watch the birds eat....i hate the greedy ones that totally rape the whole situation and the dumb ones that dont realize that there's a WHOLE donut over to the left because they're all focused on this one little parcel of food but i dont wanna throw down more while they're there because they get scared and fly away. You can only do that with those gangster NY pigeons that walk up to you and say "YO SHOE IS IN MAH WAY! MOVE BITCH!"
Im gonna be a bird lady when i get older because i dont want kids and marriage scares me and itll be me, my camera, my ipod, and my pigeons that follow me to concerts.
Ill' board up my loft and write books in depth about trees that spoke an alien language and we had to contact aliens to figure out what it was saying because it was detramental to the future of the universe! That's actually a good idea.
Feeding birds. I throw little pieces of food outside of the window around 10a.m. and watch the birds eat....i hate the greedy ones that totally rape the whole situation and the dumb ones that dont realize that there's a WHOLE donut over to the left because they're all focused on this one little parcel of food but i dont wanna throw down more while they're there because they get scared and fly away. You can only do that with those gangster NY pigeons that walk up to you and say "YO SHOE IS IN MAH WAY! MOVE BITCH!"
Im gonna be a bird lady when i get older because i dont want kids and marriage scares me and itll be me, my camera, my ipod, and my pigeons that follow me to concerts.
Ill' board up my loft and write books in depth about trees that spoke an alien language and we had to contact aliens to figure out what it was saying because it was detramental to the future of the universe! That's actually a good idea.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Today; ISS. And the past 2 weeks.
Okay so today I had ISS. I was pretty pissed because it was for...
*drumroll*
NOT HAVING MY ID!
really? Honestly, it was pretty fuckin ace! We had this safe ass substitute and he was just sooooo epic because he was totally chill; he lets us listen to our ipods, text, talk, he was even gonna let me go back to class but i didnt want to because it was so fun in there...while julani was bitching about it...I mean, honestly, youre in ISS with a chill ass substitute and you WANT to go back to class? This is coming from the ultimate slacker so, my point is pretty flawed if anything.
Okay so this random guy that's in there is listening to his ipod really loud and sub's like
"Wow...I thought only white people listened to their music that loud" so he starts talking about his car and how the speakers costed more than the car itself, he goes:
"Yeah id be blastin slipknot and all you'd hear is 'bloosh blam GRAAAAAAAAH!!!'...you dont know who slipknot is do you?" and im all like
"HOMESLICE! i almost saw them at mayhemfest last year but my friends ruined it!" minus the homeslice part...
We started talking about concerts and music for a good hour! And like...club vs. arena concerts.
It was fucking awesome haha. Then all these other people came in...I met this guy named jose and he explained to me how he managed to hit a cow with a motorcycle in D.R....
Me jose and the sub were trying to talk--the other kids were WAAAY too loud. The sub said that i should stay away from credit cards because he thinks ill have like...five of them. We were also arguing about whos lazier and decided that we were on the same level of laziness because i said:
"Im really lazy..."
and hes like "Youre sitting in front of the laziest person ever!"
and im like "Once...I was soo lazy that i didnt make food and starved for about a whole day!"
and hes all like "Once I was so lazy that i didnt make food and i knew my mom wasnt coming home til 10"
and im all like "Are you shitting me?"
and hes like "I speak the truth..."
Sub-man also said that i was a "mindfuck" in one way or another...my friend chavey says the same...he probably thinks so for a good 4 reasons:
1. he sees me putting my thumb in a kool-aid packet licking it and saying "LOOK BLOOD!!!"
2. He sees me biting a piece of paper and he says "Are you eating paper? the last time i ate paper was kidergarten...do you sniff glue too?"
3. he sees me raping a book that I was reading and hes like "What the heck are you doing?" and I'm like "Theres a nerd inside the book and it wont come out cause like..a pack of nerds...yeah..."
4. He hears me talking in depth about library books...how they stink and how i wash my hands profusely after touching all the books haha...
He also tells me that in his senior he got a saturday because he went out to the 50 yard line and protested No uniforms so he is the reason why we dont have uniformes. Nevertheless, theyre trying to get uniforms AGAIN...
---------------------------------------------------------
The past two weeks....
Okay so I finally told my mom about my depression[mild-depression] on tuesday. She got really quiet and wouldnt look at me for the rest of the night...it really hurt. The thing is, Ive been dealing with this for over a year[i might be dysthmic] and ive been trying to figure out how to tell her because when ever i'd get in one of my "down"-moods she thinks i have an attitude when in reality i cant help it which was not helping AT ALL.
Then yesterday I had a bad day because ms. viray lost 3 of my assignments so i had to make those up and theeen i made up these two OTHER assignments and she lost those! she wouldnt take responsibility for shit...i also had 4 tests! So i told her:
"Ms.Viray lost 3 of my assignments and today she lost two of my other ones" and basically shes like "Why were you missing assignments blah blah blah...we'll talk when i get home!"
THIS IS WHY I DONT TELL YOU ANYTHING! you've given me 2 reasons in the past week...
1) you failed to acknowledge the fact that ms.viray lost 3 of my assignments and took NOOO resposnsibility for it.
2) Im doing better this year than last.[less lazy :]
3) I tell you that im depressed...the worst thing that you could do is ignore me and criticize me for it.
Another thing: A certain "friend" said something to me that really hurt my feelings. I got picked on about it alot in 7th grade and its something that i want to leave behind. Vengeance is my middle name :)
Oh and Gary Busey's latest quote: "Its called a wake-up call from God is what its called..."
He's amazing, Id totally give him one.
I honestly cant remember that far back so im gonna have to cut this short :)
*drumroll*
NOT HAVING MY ID!
really? Honestly, it was pretty fuckin ace! We had this safe ass substitute and he was just sooooo epic because he was totally chill; he lets us listen to our ipods, text, talk, he was even gonna let me go back to class but i didnt want to because it was so fun in there...while julani was bitching about it...I mean, honestly, youre in ISS with a chill ass substitute and you WANT to go back to class? This is coming from the ultimate slacker so, my point is pretty flawed if anything.
Okay so this random guy that's in there is listening to his ipod really loud and sub's like
"Wow...I thought only white people listened to their music that loud" so he starts talking about his car and how the speakers costed more than the car itself, he goes:
"Yeah id be blastin slipknot and all you'd hear is 'bloosh blam GRAAAAAAAAH!!!'...you dont know who slipknot is do you?" and im all like
"HOMESLICE! i almost saw them at mayhemfest last year but my friends ruined it!" minus the homeslice part...
We started talking about concerts and music for a good hour! And like...club vs. arena concerts.
It was fucking awesome haha. Then all these other people came in...I met this guy named jose and he explained to me how he managed to hit a cow with a motorcycle in D.R....
Me jose and the sub were trying to talk--the other kids were WAAAY too loud. The sub said that i should stay away from credit cards because he thinks ill have like...five of them. We were also arguing about whos lazier and decided that we were on the same level of laziness because i said:
"Im really lazy..."
and hes like "Youre sitting in front of the laziest person ever!"
and im like "Once...I was soo lazy that i didnt make food and starved for about a whole day!"
and hes all like "Once I was so lazy that i didnt make food and i knew my mom wasnt coming home til 10"
and im all like "Are you shitting me?"
and hes like "I speak the truth..."
Sub-man also said that i was a "mindfuck" in one way or another...my friend chavey says the same...he probably thinks so for a good 4 reasons:
1. he sees me putting my thumb in a kool-aid packet licking it and saying "LOOK BLOOD!!!"
2. He sees me biting a piece of paper and he says "Are you eating paper? the last time i ate paper was kidergarten...do you sniff glue too?"
3. he sees me raping a book that I was reading and hes like "What the heck are you doing?" and I'm like "Theres a nerd inside the book and it wont come out cause like..a pack of nerds...yeah..."
4. He hears me talking in depth about library books...how they stink and how i wash my hands profusely after touching all the books haha...
He also tells me that in his senior he got a saturday because he went out to the 50 yard line and protested No uniforms so he is the reason why we dont have uniformes. Nevertheless, theyre trying to get uniforms AGAIN...
---------------------------------------------------------
The past two weeks....
Okay so I finally told my mom about my depression[mild-depression] on tuesday. She got really quiet and wouldnt look at me for the rest of the night...it really hurt. The thing is, Ive been dealing with this for over a year[i might be dysthmic] and ive been trying to figure out how to tell her because when ever i'd get in one of my "down"-moods she thinks i have an attitude when in reality i cant help it which was not helping AT ALL.
Then yesterday I had a bad day because ms. viray lost 3 of my assignments so i had to make those up and theeen i made up these two OTHER assignments and she lost those! she wouldnt take responsibility for shit...i also had 4 tests! So i told her:
"Ms.Viray lost 3 of my assignments and today she lost two of my other ones" and basically shes like "Why were you missing assignments blah blah blah...we'll talk when i get home!"
THIS IS WHY I DONT TELL YOU ANYTHING! you've given me 2 reasons in the past week...
1) you failed to acknowledge the fact that ms.viray lost 3 of my assignments and took NOOO resposnsibility for it.
2) Im doing better this year than last.[less lazy :]
3) I tell you that im depressed...the worst thing that you could do is ignore me and criticize me for it.
Another thing: A certain "friend" said something to me that really hurt my feelings. I got picked on about it alot in 7th grade and its something that i want to leave behind. Vengeance is my middle name :)
Oh and Gary Busey's latest quote: "Its called a wake-up call from God is what its called..."
He's amazing, Id totally give him one.
I honestly cant remember that far back so im gonna have to cut this short :)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Endocrine system...
^^^This guy=WIN.
Straight. fucking. up.
I want a gary busey shirt and I'd wear it under everything.
Gary busey should be the God damned Vice president
Gary busey PWNS Chuck norris to the 974th degree.
AS FOR JAMES BLUNT:
LEAVE JAMES BLUNT ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
He does not sound like a woman!
And hes got a very pleasant looking face.
He does make me laugh in that one song "Youre beautiful" because hes like:
"My life is brilliant.......................[8 days later]....................My life is brilliant, My love is pure" and I always thought that was a bit off and then i saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0UT2MpdWnc&NR=1 and i DIED. It was hilarious. just like...the first 30 secs anyways.
Okay so today I went to the mall. It was really windy outside and for some reason when its windy....I do this weird walk. Like I crouch over and look at my feet...http://jenniedelbridge.com/images/BarBellBentOverRow.gif kinda like that.
Im kinda mad right now because I tpyed this whole essay about our trip to the mall and it dissapeared. I have to type it over. I now have a migrane.
*prepares to unleash the fury of the enter button*
.
.
.
.
.
OKAY. We went to the pet store and probably wasted a good hour in there playing with bunnies and staring at hamsters....the guinea pigs were total veggies.
We went to this gay store, Garage. We started singing along with this weird song and the worker is all like "You guys are HAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYY", yes we are pure rays of sunshine. We also went to Icings and stared singing "le disko" by STG's which kinda failed to a certain degree because there were a good amount of parts where we didnt know the words...then rico suave[a rico suave looking worker] says "DONT PASS UP THAT 5 FOR 10" and we were all uncomfortable because he was practically yelling at us lmao. We went to the hot god-damned topic of course and there was this little guy that worked there and he kept talking to us; first we were talking about how peope say "suduko" rather than "sudoku" and he was like "Yeah that so odd, everyone does that" and then melanie was looking at this shirt and we were talking about the guy on it that looked all serene and pleasant so the guys is like "oh yea, definitely, i bet its that beard....and the fact that he looks like jesus". We went to H&M and those god-damned jonas brother came on and we talked about how they always sound like theyre getting raped for a good...5 minutes and apparently melanie spotted a living mannequin. When we were in the hallway going away from where KB toy store used to be[I CANT BELIEVED THEY GOT RID OF IT] melanie saw this straigtner and said--quietly--"Oh! a straightner"...remember QUIETLY. So this guy that was sitting in the opposite direction of us[he couldnt see us because he turned away]...hes like "OH YESS BUT STRAIGHTNER" 0.o.... this guys has frikken dog ears lol...we started walking all fast. OH YEAH! We went to taco bell to eat and i got a kids meal which came with a little red car and we were playing with it but it rolled off the table and fell next to this guy and he picked it up and says "Thats a neat toy car...my grandson would like that" so I gave it to him at first he kept saying "Nawww, keep it" but i knew he wanted it. I wanted it too but i thought it was so nice that he thought of his grandson just by see a litte red car, plus i wouldve just abused it...and i dont really play with toys. When we went to American Apparel there was this book that was open on a stand and it said something about porn stars lmao.
"..." I do that alot. IDK...its just how i would actually say it. a "...". Thats how i talk. "I like cows.....especially the brown ones" Suck it.
Night.
Oh wait
I want one of these:
Its a lomo camera. 65 bucks. Vintage....
Friday, January 30, 2009
My take on Apples. growling. detention. muahahaha
Okay so this week i had this godly apple and its was just like the best thing in the world lmao.
I HATE YELLOW APPLES
I hate biting into apples because im paranoid that its gonna pull my teeth out D:
I like red apples but only the little round ones but...not the apple shaped appples...you know, the point-like ones, yeah, i hate those. Idk it makes sense in my twisted mind.
Something kinda funny:
Um so today i got kinda annoyed with a certain person who happens to always yell at the whole class to shut up....so i said "MRAAAAAAAAAWWWR"[yeah, brutal, i know...]
So my L.A. teacher is all like "Who just growled at me?" and i said "I growled but i was growling at so-and-so because shes always yelling at us to shut up and its annoying because she acts like we're her children or something...." so here so-and-so comes all ghettolicious lmao
'YOU NEEDS TOO SHUT UP EWFURGhrAWGBLAW" idk, all i kept hearing was shut up.
Its just that....when people belittle me or w.e. it really GRINDS MY GEARS so i released a growl of idk but it works for me and i need to let my feelings out more often because im happier that way dx
Something kinda stupid[and still funny at the same time]
Okay so my L.A. teacher keeps ME after...FOR GROWLING? FUCKING A; IMMORAL SOB! That Child Over there is yelling profanities! Bullshit, yeah? I mean, i didnt mind, it was the perfect oppurtunity to be right...im good at being right and basically every human being in Teaneck is good at being wrong bahahahah!
im tired...resulting in my n00b like sentences...my apologies.
I HATE YELLOW APPLES
I hate biting into apples because im paranoid that its gonna pull my teeth out D:
I like red apples but only the little round ones but...not the apple shaped appples...you know, the point-like ones, yeah, i hate those. Idk it makes sense in my twisted mind.
Something kinda funny:
Um so today i got kinda annoyed with a certain person who happens to always yell at the whole class to shut up....so i said "MRAAAAAAAAAWWWR"[yeah, brutal, i know...]
So my L.A. teacher is all like "Who just growled at me?" and i said "I growled but i was growling at so-and-so because shes always yelling at us to shut up and its annoying because she acts like we're her children or something...." so here so-and-so comes all ghettolicious lmao
'YOU NEEDS TOO SHUT UP EWFURGhrAWGBLAW" idk, all i kept hearing was shut up.
Its just that....when people belittle me or w.e. it really GRINDS MY GEARS so i released a growl of idk but it works for me and i need to let my feelings out more often because im happier that way dx
Something kinda stupid[and still funny at the same time]
Okay so my L.A. teacher keeps ME after...FOR GROWLING? FUCKING A; IMMORAL SOB! That Child Over there is yelling profanities! Bullshit, yeah? I mean, i didnt mind, it was the perfect oppurtunity to be right...im good at being right and basically every human being in Teaneck is good at being wrong bahahahah!
im tired...resulting in my n00b like sentences...my apologies.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
So Im new at this
So i made this specifically to articulate my thoughts and have them all in one place so that i wont forget them.
I think my brain is like a 1gb memory card;It wants so mcuh more than it can hold...i think too much and yet i always run out of things to say...how ironic =_=
Grahhr so lets get started.[babbling about irrelevant things]
When i was younger every single teacher would say "India, india, india....very smart and sweet girl but she talks waaaay TOO mcuh"
NOW i dont talk enough and my parents throw me in therapy...no one appreciated my openness and now im some type of safe made without a key, people are never satisfied.
I just remembered! Like...2 or 3 years ago these Jehova's witnesses came to my door--mind you it was like 14 degrees outside and i was agnostic ATM--So theyre talking about how i should be a Jehovah's witness and they gave me this stupid pamphlet...had nothing to do with anything but it pissed me off!
My throat is sore.
I think my brain is like a 1gb memory card;It wants so mcuh more than it can hold...i think too much and yet i always run out of things to say...how ironic =_=
Grahhr so lets get started.[babbling about irrelevant things]
When i was younger every single teacher would say "India, india, india....very smart and sweet girl but she talks waaaay TOO mcuh"
NOW i dont talk enough and my parents throw me in therapy...no one appreciated my openness and now im some type of safe made without a key, people are never satisfied.
I just remembered! Like...2 or 3 years ago these Jehova's witnesses came to my door--mind you it was like 14 degrees outside and i was agnostic ATM--So theyre talking about how i should be a Jehovah's witness and they gave me this stupid pamphlet...had nothing to do with anything but it pissed me off!
My throat is sore.
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