""Lo and behold", thy Goldfish said to the man, "Why 'tis I reside in this glass chamber, you heathen?"
And the man doth speaketh, "It is thine fishbowl; you will die if you are not in it."
And the Goldfish doth reply, "Oh.""
rofl...idek.

Okay so do you ever sit down and hold your feet straight out in front of you and let them fall very slowly? It creates the illusion that there's nothing below you, for some reason, it makes me happy. It's like this surreal moment and then my feet touch the ground and i come back to reality. All i can think is that it was nice while it lasted.


Okay so before i go any further, Im a dweeb; a nerd...i know. Im obssesed with yahoo answers I reached level 2 today so i can answer 40 questions a day now. Anyway, i specifically go into the Religion and Spirituality, Philosophy, and Psychology sections and just discuss those types of things. It's quite ironic(in the general sense), as for the philosophy...im a nihilist which techinically is the end of all philosophies because we believe that life has no premise; our existence has no meaning, we just exist. Philosophy asks questions about life such as the oh-so-cliche "Whats the meaning of life" I guess it depends on what type of nihilist you are and what kind of questions theyre asking.


Why am I in the R&S section? No idea, Nihilism implies atheism the weird thing is that in R&S i find that there are more atheists than theists. And the theists typically end up having a question for us somewhere along the lines of "Atheists: Youre Godless, why do you exist, you have no reason to live!" Okay I swear, Ive never met a theist who didnt say that to me or something similar. People dont seem to realize that Atheists(and nihilists especially) appreciate life more than theists because we arent waiting for some false afterlife we live with the mentality "Wow, I've got one life to live, I'm gonna take advantage of it" while i find a theist saying "Im gonna follow my religion and wait for an afterlife." NO youre going about it all wrong, of course they dont believe that's not their view point.


Another question i see is "Atheists: Why do you hate God?" Or "Atheists: Why do you worship Satan?". We cant hate God or worship Satan because we dont BELIEVE in them; the "A" in "atheist" Means "non", not "hate"and we are not Satanists, we reject the idea of Satan just as much as we reject the idea of God.


Another thing i find annoying is the use of "all" and "atheists" in the same sentence. Some theists assume that we ALL have the same beliefs/morals. NO NO NO NO! The only common ground that ALL atheists have is the disbelief of God and Satan because atheism IS NOT a religion, its a philosophy, a religion is the practice of your beliefs. I am a nihilst(a branch of existentialism), some atheists believe in different dogmas/doctrines of philosopy such as aminism, determinism, absurdism, idealism, realism, fatalism, dualism, solipsism, etc.

Anyway
Sometimes I wonder, hypothetically, if there was a heaven and hell, would hell be the same for each person? What i mean is that...okay here's an example: My idea of hell is being in a room full of people that i dont know because i have mild social anxiety but that'd be like heaven for an attention whore. Same goes for heaven.

I havent been outside my house for 4 days and im okay with that...that's horrible...I think? Society has branded the thought "You have to be social to be happy" in my head. I have to realize that if I'm happy...I'm happy and it doesnt matter what anyone else says. Another part of me says its my social anxiety causes my asocialness and therefore I think "I'd rather stay in the house." when it really means "I get too nervous when I got to meet people...Id be much happier alone." meaning I would LIKE to go out but I get to nervous so id much rather not deal with that feeling.
Wtf I just mind-fucked myself.

I need change...ever since the depression has gone away I feel kind of empty. Im not sad...im happyish but It feels like there's this big emptiness in my heart, apathy in a way. At the same time, there feels like something is there that hasnt been acknowledged--that needs to be acknowledged; something deep. Ive always wondered that because I still dont know WHY I was depressed in the first place which is really frustrating. Maybe it's something like disassociation.

Sad, last time I was truly happy was when I went to a concert. There's so much love for people you dont even know. Some giant dude pushes you over, instantly you feel 20 hands pulling you up. If someone happens to have a bottle of water, they take what they need and pass it to the next person. People actually give a shit, and they barely know you. It's almost like a simulated world of peace for those 3-12 hours. On top of the really loud music, that makes you wanna go crazy!...of course there are the ocasional assholes but for every asshole, there are 10 people willing to back you up. Gahhh I miss those things.

Number 3 pencils are my one and only vice :D